To Be: The Practice of Listening

I love to talk. My sister used to beg my parents to put a time limit on my talking during dinner. She would always look at my parents and say… “Seriously, can she have a five-minute timer.” But I could not help myself, everyone needed, “wanted,” to know every part of my day and all my thoughts when those things were happening.

Recently, our family was driving to Des Moines and our youngest declared mid-sentence from the back seat “… and now it is time for me to share all of my inside thoughts.” In our family, we tell the girls that there are outside thoughts and inside thoughts and sometimes our inside thoughts are things we wait to talk about until we are with just Mom and Dad. Her inside, thoughts were not only funny, she is one funny kid, but they were as if she was pinball. They were bouncing around and were about anything and everything.

We were at dinner with our extended family a few weeks ago and suddenly, our oldest started talking aloud while another conversation was happening between her cousins. My sister, looked at her and listened to her story, but ended up asking… “Are you talking to anyone specific?” Our oldest looked up and said, “No, just to anyone that would listen.”

As school winds down, I cannot help but think how many things I will miss by choosing not to listen. Whether it is because I am annoyed because I cannot talk (remember I am a talker), or I lose my patience because my family will not just get to the point. I have been trying to actively practice listening. If I am honest, it is hard for me to quiet myself enough and to put myself aside enough to listen well.

It has been hard for me to actively engage in listening. I used to always think of listening as a passive practice but like any good workout… we need to actively engage our listening muscles. We need to be patient with ourselves and others. But most of all we need to practice listening. My challenge, our challenge, or practice if that is more inviting: Summer 2022— Practice Listening.

Try choosing a five-minute moment 3-days this week. Make one of the moments in the morning, one in the afternoon, and the final one in the evening. Yes, silence your phone and put it away. Turn off the music, close the computer and sit outside. Put a five-minute timer on (if this is with your phone then place your phone at least 10-steps away from you). Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. What do you hear? What do you notice? What are your ears making the rest of your body feel? Is this moment life giving?

The following week, invite a friend or family-member(s) into listening for five-minutes with you. You can invite them into all three moments or just one. Make sure each person puts all devices and potential distractions away and then close your eyes and listen. What did everyone hear? What did everyone notice? What are your ears making the rest of your body feel? Is this moment life giving?

The following week, invite the same people into listening to one another. Give each person five-minutes to talk. They can talk about anything and everything. They have each persons undivided attention (so yes devices away). At the end of those five-minutes, including the talker (they should be the last person), share what they heard. What did they notice? What is your body feeling while trying to concentrate and listen? Did you learn something you did not know? Was this moment life-giving to the person being listened to?

Listening is an art. It is something that we need to train ourselves to engage in and be present with. Listening, however, has a hundred-fold return. The energy, time, and practice will be worth the results.

May we be a people that learn to listen with ears that hear, mouths that patiently wait to speak, and hearts that pay attention to the one(s) entrusted to us for that moment.