Adventure: Control

Adventure: To explore something new, unknown, exciting.

I am currently learning a lot about myself; it a little bit feels like I am reading a book called “Ali Cranmer: The Handbook.” I am discovering beautiful things about my passions, my heart, my emotions, my relationships, my creation, and I am realizing how I process, how I see the world, how I relate to people and walk-through life.

One of the things I am recognizing in me, is how often I can partner with fear. Now, fear is not a bad emotion. There actually are no bad emotions. All emotions are beautiful and worth feeling. However, fear can easily become a ruling emotion when I choose to partner with it. And fear can cause me to not want to be adventurous. Whether this is crossing a gully on a fallen tree or having a conversation I do not want to have… fear can stop me. Let me give you two examples from my life.

1) I have had the honor to work with students and their families since leaving college. One of my favorite things to do was to go on trips with students and leaders. Because of these awesome trips, I got to experience things I would not normally choose into. For instance, I was able to go to Haiti twice. The first time I went our group was taken to a wire bridge that looked precarious. It was over a river that people were washing their clothes in. All of us crossed it and came back. Some people swung it back and forth, which made it even scarier, others tried bouncing it. As we walked the bridge Haitians would greet us while they walked or rode motos. I remember thinking: keep your eyes ahead and you will be fine. I was fine! I was able to walk and talk and laugh without imagining myself plunging to my death.

2) This past Christmas our family got to go to Arizona. Our last full day we hiked to the top of a mountain, well two of us did. We reached the ridgeline but if we wanted we could have climbed onto some huge boulders which would make it the VERY TOP. One of our daughters was over the hike and was scared. The other was ready to run to the top of the boulder so that she could be “Queen of the Mountain.” Physically I was great … We could have kept hiking but mentally I had a block because I noticed that the wind was picking-up and I was not sure we could go further without being blown off the mountain. Ok… so I know this sounds silly but let me take us to the next level.

I willingly ;) stayed on the ridge with our one daughter, while Mike and our other daughter climbed the boulders. I looked up at them at one point and had to turn back around and pray. However, as I was sitting on the ridge praying and holding our youngest. I realized that I have an irrational fear of mountains. I love climbing them when I know the fall plan: aka. when I think I can control what might happen to me or others if we slip. However, for some reason on a ridge of a mountain, I can sometimes begin to think that the world is flat, and we have reached the end and we are going to all fall off its edge. I know, I know … irrational. And by the way, no one fell off the earth.

For me, Ali Cranmer, fear makes me want to control. I get scared when I feel a lack of control which then makes me grasp for control. I struggle with this feeling in me and that daily I must choose, moment by moment, what am I partnering with.

Fear makes me miss out on adventure. Yes, it is good that fear can regulate danger, but it is not healthy for me to choose fear because I feel “out of control.” Fear can hold me back and hold others back. Fear can give me a false sense of security instead of freedom. Fear can mislead me on the journey of life.

May we be people that learn to unshackle ourselves from fear so that we can learn to adventure more freely.