To Be: An Examen
I would say for most of my life I have tried to become something. At some point I lost the understanding that BE-ING is of greater value than becoming. I think it is because BE-ING actually takes more work. I know, I know, how is that possible. Everything around us tells us to become something. We are defined by the things we do, say, think, and believe. We can become anything and everything if we want to. Eventually, some of us begin to believe that our becoming defines our BE-ING. When in all actuality our BE-ING, should define our becoming.
This has been a season. Now is not the time or place to discuss it but there is one part I do want to talk about; at some point I began to define myself by what I was becoming, by what I was doing, by the people I was interacting with, and the ways I was serving. I believed my becoming was the direct definition of my BE-ING. Just recently, as I was sitting with God, I wrote this in my journal:
At some point in my life, I began to believe that I can not just BE and that I need to perform, and need to become.
One of the things I have realized is that I do not know how to BE. BE-ING is a place of receiving, inhabiting, knowing, trusting, believing, and resting. I would rather become something to get the accolades or achieve something new; but often times I will forsake my BE-ING just so I can become. Because of this realization, I no longer want to just become and forget about my journey toward BE-ING. Each month this entry will be an invitation to BE: to sit, to breathe, and to receive. It may come in the form of a liturgy, a breath prayer, stretching, walking…Who knows but the goal is to receive.
Today we are going to start with an Examen. Examen is an ancient practice of looking back and reflecting with God. Sometimes we can be scared to look back, it makes us feel uncomfortable. However, when we practice Examen we can trust that GOD NEVER SHAMES US! God does not think there are good emotions and bad emotions. God is not expecting a nicely wrapped package. God is only hoping to meet us where-ever we want to meet Him.
Today’s invitation:
-Grab a journal and a pen, then find a space you are most comfortable in. It will be the place that you feel like you can rest fully or be most fully alive. Examples: Living Room Couch, A Hammock in the Woods, Tucked Under Your Covers in Bed, By a Camp Fire.
-Take 7 deep breaths, completely filling your lungs and then completely emptying your lungs.
Then begin to reflect and journal about the following questions from last month:
-What has brought me joy?
-What has made me laugh?
-What from this last month has been frustrating?
-What caused my anxiety to rise?
-What has made me experience grief?
-Where was God in each of these events/emotions?
-What did you learn this month about how you were created?
